Kiss My Privates, the Indian Swingers

By Jane Singh

Mark is an adventurous man and if it were not for his adventurous spirit, he would not have married me – the first truly Indian woman in the family. There were things about India that I was reluctant to tell him lest he get wrong ideas about me or India, but he would always come to me and ask about something that he had either read some place or heard from one of our Indian friends. If it turned out to be something ‘defining’ in his opinion, he would even chide me for not telling him. He expected that I would be his guide in his quest to discover India, as he had become my mentor while I discovered America.

~

For a long time, I had kept details about Holi, the Indian spring festival, relatively sketchy. I had explained to him the story behind the festival, told him what people did, and described a few of my Holi experiences as a teenager. He had seen some of my photos taken during Holi and he was absolutely enchanted with the festival. He had started to mention that he would very much like to attend Holi celebrations during his next visit to India. The discussions, however, rarely went beyond that. I had never told him about the dark side of Holi, and even less, about the wild side of Holi. I think he would have been just fine with the wild side though I was not sure how I would react if I saw any of my family members taking advantage of him during Holi. I was far more concerned about the dark side of Holi and what a negative image he would have if he saw how girls were harassed on the streets during the days leading to Holi, how public property was vandalized, and the overall chaos that prevailed in many parts of the country.

~

Things were no longer under my control when we were invited to attend my cousin Nanda’s wedding during March. Mother called me to say that it would be great to have us stay for a couple of days after the wedding so that we could also celebrate Holi together and Mark would get a chance to join all the family members in the festivities. As I looked for an excuse to return early because of commitments at work, Mark told her that he would stay for Holi even if I returned early. He would tell his boss that he was exploring a new part of Indian culture and his boss would not have a major problem with that. I had no choice but to stay.

~

It must have been closer to 430 AM when Mark woke up after listening to the noise coming from the back of the house. He looked out the window and when he saw the fire in the park at the end of the street, he started to shout and woke up everyone else. I was too sleepy to even move and just asked him to leave me alone. I did not even see him leave as I drifted back to sleep.

I must not have slept for more than an hour when even more noise outside my room woke me up. Not only was Mark shaking me up but there were half-a-dozen other people virtually dragging me out of the bed. As everyone greeted me (and chided me for sleeping on such an important day), I managed to smile at what I thought were some new faces - but isn’t that part of the fun on Holi?

It was clear that Mark was excited to be greeting everyone – even folks he had never met. I think this particular year more neighbors must have shown up to greet our family because I knew that there were neighbors who were intrigued by Mark’s presence in the house but did not have the courage to just show up and satisfy their curiosity. And Holi was a great occasion to strike up conversations with even perfect strangers. It was obvious that Mark enjoyed the attention as the ladies from the neighborhood spoke to him in whatever little English they could speak. The house was full of so many visitors that we all had been overwhelmed over last week or so. The wedding, the parties, and the visits had worn me out but I was impressed by Mark’s vigor. He was never intimidated by people and even less by people he did not know. He would always find ways to engage people no matter how different they were from him and how little he knew them. As the neighborhood women giggled at his hard-to-understand English, I heard him speak slowly than he usually does. As I walked around greeting my family members with the usual hugs and kisses, I was afraid that Mark might be kidnapped by some of these teenagers as he excitedly committed to join them in the festivities later in the morning.

~

When I was having breakfast with my cousins, Megha and Bindi, I came to know of their secret plans to give Mark demonstrations of what Holi was like for young people in India. These girls were as old as me, but sounded excited like children at the prospect of having fun at the expense of a clueless American who had accepted all their challenges. Apparently Mark had boasted that he is not afraid of colors or women and will not be intimidated by either. The girls were not discouraged by his bold attitude.

A little past 9 AM, when neighbors and family members were still mingling and greeting each other, Bindi and Megha, with three of their friends from college, Ranjani, Shelly, and Anjali, were ready to go ahead with their plan to trap Mark. “We are having a little get together for young people in Anjali’s courtyard around the corner and we would like you to join us too”, Bindi politely told Mark. Clutching my hand, Mark and I walked past the bedrooms and the graveled pathway to the courtyard in the house across the street. On neatly lined chairs around the fountain in the backyard, sat all the girls as if they were about to have their afternoon teas with scones and muffins. I thought they were even a bit elegantly dressed for a Holi morning. To add to the elegance of the situation, several kettles full of tea were on the table and even before we could sit down, Ranjani asked Mark, “How do you like your tea?”. As Mark was still responding, “I like it without sugar but with plenty of milk…….”, he tried to sit down on one of the two chairs, and the backrest came apart, plunging him in the fountain reservoir at his back. Everyone burst into a big laugh and Anjali and Shelly rushed towards him as if to rescue him. They both made sounds of concern and looked worried. But what were they doing? In a matter of seconds, they pulled off their dopatas (a long scarf used by Indian women) and tied his hands to two pillars around the edge of the reservoir. Mark knew he was in trouble when the girls started to sing, “Holi, Holi. Don’t worry, it’s fun only”. For a moment Mark looked at me hoping that I would rescue him but then he realized that he better give up and just, have fun, as the girls said. I simply smiled and winked at him.

Ranjani had prepared Mark’s tea and elegantly walked towards him. “Dearest Mark, here is your tea. Oh looks like some nasty girls tied your hands. Don’t you worry. I will help you drink it because I know how badly you need caffeine”, she said as she stepped into the reservoir and sat down next to him inside the water that came all the way to her waist and had also covered Mark’s tall frame to his upper thighs. Taking a big sip of tea, she brought her mouth to Mark’s. Initially Mark made a face but then I saw him sucking it into his mouth from hers. A round of applause from the girls. The second sip, the third, and a few more….and the cup of tea was empty. I was now convinced that Mark was in the mood to have fun and it was best that I left him alone

“We have heard from Kay that you have been complaining of the heat and dust of India. Now we don’t want you to feel that way because we Indians have our own techniques to stay cool and clean our bodies. So we thought we would give you a nice bath and take out all the dirt you have accumulated during the trip. Hey listen, you girls! You have been my maid for years but you have still not learnt how to give proper bath to a prince. I am very upset and if you don’t do a good job today, I will ask the Maharaja to execute you tonight”, shouted Megha, who had suddenly assumed the role of the Queen. Anjali and Shelly both bowed and politely spoke, “Yes, Maharani. Please watch us carefully as we do our best. And please show us the way if we make a mistake. We want to clean the Prince thoroughly today”.

I leaned against a pillar in the verandah as I watched what was about to unfold. Mark looked helpless but the smile had not gone away from his face. Megha, Bindi, and Ranjani stood around the fountain slightly amused, though behaving as if they belonged to some royal family. With their dopatas long gone, Shelly and Anjali did not take too long to get out of their kameez (a tunic) and salwar (loose slacks). Both of them were now in their underwear and stepped into the reservoir as if they were entering a bathtub often found in palaces in India. “Your Honor, will you like to see the dirt on the prince’s body?” Anjali asked as she undressed Mark leaving him with only with his wet, sheer nylon briefs that were hugging his privates even more tightly. I think Mark was embarrassed and so was I. But what could I do? Holi is an occasion to take liberties that you would not otherwise.

Megha returned with a bowl of body paint and handed it to Shelly. “Here is the exfoliant that you had asked for. Please apply it generously since it is made only from the finest herbs of Kerala”. As the dark black color covered Mark’s face I could not stop laughing. It was a scene to remember - a small reservoir with two voluptuous girls; each dressed only in their wet underwear exposing their physical assets. I think Mark was amused as well as I could see his eyes admiring Anjali’s breasts which were virtually spilling out of her brassiere as she aggressively moved to color Mark’s face.

“You are doing a horrible job. I have told you many times but you girls just do not want to learn it. I will ask the Maharaja to execute you”, Megha shouted, looking rather angry. “Let me do it”, saying so, she unzipped her nightie and jumped into the reservoir, splashing all others who were standing around. The color was already mixing in the water and had acquired a dark gray color. I think she did not realize that she had taken off her underwear before changing into her nighty last night and was now totally naked. Using her right hand, she took the color, and opened Mark’s brief with her left hand. Before anyone could realize, she had put a lot of the oily color on his private parts. Did I see Mark’s response to the aggressive motion? I could not miss it, nor could anyone else.

“We need to clean up the exfoliant now. We need a brush to take it off. Maybe we should use Kay’s bush - she has the thickest hair down there”, Bindi suggested. I could not react fast enough to get out of there as Bindi and Ranjani jumped to grab me. Bindi grabbed my hands at the back and like an expert; Ranjani unhooked my long, cotton skirt. Then she reached to unbutton my top and there I was standing in my underwear. I knew what they meant by “Kay’s bush”, because Bindi had pulled my panties down exposing it. “Yes, that is the best bush I have seen in my lifetime”, Megha spoke in a commanding voice. Bindi and Ranjani held my hands tightly and dragged me to the pool. As I threw my hands and legs around, it did not help much. I guess two women were more than powerful to control me.

Once in the pool, they made me sit on top of Mark’s face so my bush was right on his mouth. By this time, both Mark and I were starting to laugh - it was just so funny and I knew that there was no way we could get out of it - so we might as well enjoy it. My whole body was now covered with color and in no time, the whole reservoir was overflowing with color, naked bodies of six women and one man. I was riding on top of Mark and I could feel at least three women playing with my body, as they did not leave a single part of my body uncovered with color. When things were just getting too crazy, Mark signaled to me to let him free. In a moment of confusion, I released his left hand and he freed his right hand himself.

With his two hands now free, Mark had a chance to take some revenge, especially on Ranjani and Bindi who were still dressed in their saris. He pulled on their saris almost at the same time leaving them standing only in their blouse and underskirt. Megha wanted to level the playing field and commanded, “In this kingdom, no one is allowed to wear any clothing on Holi. If every item is not taken off as I count to 10, that person will be executed by the King’s order tonight”. As the counting began, Ranjani and Bindi hurried to undo their blouses and bras while Megha pulled their underskirts down - it was obvious that they were not wearing any panties. I knew I had to get rid of my bra and Mark was already pulling down his brief.

Once we were all naked, Megha ordered that we should hug and kiss each other and wish a Happy Holi. With smiles all around, we greeted each other again and promised to be friends forever. With color all over our bodies, it was hard to recognize the faces and bodies but the girls took the opportunity to admire what only I had the privilege to see so far. And Mark got a good chance to feel other Indian women’s bodies. I could clearly see how Bindi and Anjali offered their breasts for kisses rather than their cheeks when Mark went to greet them and how Megha elected to kiss Mark’s privates rather than his cheek.

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